The Amelia Bulletin Monitor

OZ FOR PREZ?

Wayne’s Wisdom

At this writing TV doctor Dr. Mehmet Oz is in a tight Republican primary race to determine who will be that party’s nomination for the Pennsylvania U.S. Senate seat in November.

I have information from an almost totally reliable source (me) that Dr. Oz has as his ultimate goal the Presidency. Once elected President, he will use his position to have the nation’s highest office retitled “Great Wizard” and will refer to himself and make others address him as “The Great and Wonderful Wizard Oz.”

His election campaign slogan will urge voters to, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.”

But he still won’t be able to carry one particular state. His campaign chairman will inform him, “You’re not ‘in’ in Kansas anymore.”

He probably won’t win the presidential race in Washington, D.C. the first time and his re-election bid is certain to fail there after he has the nation’s capital district renamed “Munchkinland.”

The Great and Wonderful Wizard Oz will frequently refer to Nancy What’s-her-name as the “Wicked Witch (or a word that rhymes with that) of the West.” I can already hear the Munchkinland chorus singing “Ding dong the witch is dead” at Dr. Oz’s inauguration.

And have you seen the TV commercial where the man and wife are on the patio? The wife finds the patio surface too hot for her bare feet and so they purchase a new outdoor carpet for the patio – which leads to purchasing new outdoor furniture as well. Gotta match, you know.

All this must put the cost of furnishing the patio well into the hundreds of dollars, if not thousands.

Somebody should have told them they could have accomplished the same result just by buying a pair of flip-flops for less than $2.

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